Saturday, July 30, 2011

Stupendous Saturday

Black mood.   Hate Oklahoma, which punishes people for being poor.   Hate people.  Life is negative today, but I know that somehow there will be light at some point.   There has to be.   When I grow weary of struggling, I just try to let go.   Harder today because sinuses are acting up, and I would like to just cut them out myself.  LOL.

Not in the mood much for people except to just have cursory contact through Facebook, and even that is not as appealing today, so I'm gonna dance with the vacuum cleaner.   Or my dog.

I was just reminded by a dear aunt that I'm the only person that I have to live with all the time and that being at peace with my personhood is a mighty fine place to be in life.   Overall, I encourage any of my readers to remember that too:  love yourself and be good to yourself and remember that you have worth as a human.   I have worth and value, and that wholly comes from within.   No other human can create that worth for me, only I can do that for myself.   Only then can I truly love others.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Frolicking Friday, Not Really

Feeling melancholy and introspective today, in a wishful state. 

Found out that a friend lost her mother, which always causes sadness to creep into my soul, body, mind, heart, brain.  Most of all the brain, since it's the control tower of the entire person that I am.

Oh woe.

Have Sallie Mae to pay (no rhyme intentional) and a few greeting cards.

Just fried an egg.  Made a mistake and accidentally broke the yolk.  That upsets me.  I like to dunk the Organic Valley egg, not just eat it.  I'm a colossal failure at this.   I was tempted to start with a new egg, but my practical side said, "oh, eat it."  So I will, with a frown.   Next time.

I don't feel like focusing on many details today.  I am thinking it's time to widen my circle of single friends.  Maybe I'll meet an interesting man, and I'm trying to make myself go to a single function / party at BJs this evening.    Scoot, scoot, I say to myself, unconvincingly at best.

House is still for sale.

Eruption of inner weeping.  Today is dragging, and I have some activities planned, but not a strong desire to follow through and actually participate.    I'm going to try and force myself to get out a little bit despite my less-than-contented state of mind.    Depressed.

I have to mention, because I wrote on FB that I would, Rudi's Organic Bakery.  Such a variety of bread and hamburger buns.   I like their products.  Rudi's Organic Bakery.  Check it out.

Wish infectious enthusiasm would overtake me.   I have the Midas touch.  That's how I think sometimes.  But, it all works out greatly, even if times are imperfect.  Cheers !

Thursday, July 28, 2011

TranscendentThursday

A transcendent Thursday, rising above the normal as far as the average day.  Did not wake up until nearly 11 a.m., which was rather nice.   I was eager to see how outside kitty was doing, so I checked on her first.  She's the kitty who was attacked by a stray dog recently, dear readers.  What a mess.  She had peed all over herself, the cage, soaking the food bowl, the spilled food, the water bowl, and the cage floor in urine.  Poor thing.  She hates to be cooped up, but since she's still on the vet-issued antibiotic, necessary.  I am not trying to be mean to her by keeping under "tight wraps," but until I've given her all the medication, it will be a necessary "evil."   I took her out of the cage and washed her body off as best I could at the outside faucet, lugged the cage to the backyard, where I shall scrub it all with water and soap (have not yet undertaken this task).  BTW, I will be using Seventh Generation liquid laundry detergent as the cleansing agent.  

Not to digress, but I have within the last year discovered Seventh Generation products, and I love them.  They just smell natural and fresh, not synthetic.   

Anyhoo, I then had to think about Delilah the wonder dog.  She, I remembered, needed her flea medication Comfortis, so after playing on the computer for awhile, she and I took off in Toyota Camry for the bank to deposit a check and the vet to get the flea medicine.   Done, yay, another task of love accomplished for my lovely doggy.   I just could burst with love. 

I am nearing my neighborhood, when up ahead I see a Smart car parked in the right line with its flashers on, so I drove into the left lane to go around the car.  As I neared it, I saw a lady senior citizen standing by the right rear tire, and I clearly heard her hysterically say, "STOP, STOP."  I hesitated for a few minutes, but I decided to pull over and park.   I grabbed my I Phone and walked toward her car, and she was clearly upset, saying statements like "You're the first one to stop."   She was emotionally venting about today's world and how people did not care anymore, and how the lack of trust was terrible.   As I drew closer, I saw that she had a cane.  She said, "I've been out here for 1/2 hour and I need to get out of this sun."  She wanted to sit in my car, but I was afraid Delilah would not cooperate about a stranger approaching the car.   Anyway, the elderly lady said that she had recently broken her hip.   By this time, a gentleman in a silver / gray car had stopped, and he let her sit in his car.  

The drama does not end here, however.  I called her husband again (she said she had already called him and that he was on his way), and then called 911 and gave the operator the house number of the nearest house I saw (she had previously called 911 too), which was pretty smart of her.   It did not take long for an ambulance to arrive (in fact, there were 3 emergency responder vehicles:  a fire truck and several police cars).   A lot of quick respondents.   In the meantime, the woman's daughter had arrived, and she was yelling at the man who let the lady sit in his car.  She told him, "back off" and "fuck you."  She got mad because the man could not figure out why she let her elderly mother be out by herself in this heat.    Emotions were running rather high on their parts, and the ambulance technician had to intercede and say, "let's not fight, let's take care of this lady."

Oh, I forgot my other important role.  I walked to the car where the elderly lady was sitting and answered some of the 911 operator's questions of the lady and her daughter, such as "Does she have chest pains?" and "has she ever had a heart attack?" and "what is her skin temperature?"  It scared me, because lady's face was really red, and she was still hysterical and out of it emotionally.   The 911 operator gave me some other instructions, but the paramedics were there by then and I just the thread of the oral instructions from the 911 operator about what I should do if the lady grew worse physically.  They removed her from the car, put her on a stretcher and loaded her into the ambulance then.  I left soon thereafter, but I first asked the police officer if there was anything else that they needed from me.  They said, "no," that I could go.   

That be the end of this adventure !   Now I'm exhausted and really glad to be home.  I ate a club sandwich at City Bites around 4 p.m. and hung out there after dinner until 5 p.m. so I could get my free Pumpkin Cookie (had a coupon).  End of story.  That is it.

a few more "tidbits":  "When one burns a bridge, it might be wise to fling the lighted match slowly," "I need a drink," LOL, and I love it when the gray hairs fall from my head, dear readers.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Wednesday, Wednesday

Woke up.  Cut grass in bare feet, not a good idea; nonetheless.  Fed neighbor's dog.  Ate a lemon tart, feel better mentally.  Alert, coffee drinking fool that I am. 

Have decided that I need to blog every day regardless of how lazy I am.  Aimless too. 

That is all.  This is a public diary.  How scary.   But, fun.  We are all similar, similar dreams:  the same anatomical features, humans are all more alike than different.   Some just don't know it yet.    They might if they'd put down their damn guns and stop killing themselves, each other, The Earth, and wild animals.  Hmmph.

My thoughts are scattered and random today, and I think I'll go with that.  I'm still introspective, but since yesterday my mood has lightened considerably.  I'm not as angry as I was yesterday.

I live a cavernous life.   Not quite sure what is meant by this remark, but I like it.  It fits. 

The house is still not sold.  Sighing.

Sometimes a gal just needs a little honey, so I set it out so I can remember to put some into my beverage later.  For now, though:  grilled cheese, and I've discovered that Applegate Farms's pepper jack cheese makes great grilled cheese sandwiches.   Perfect.

While eating, I was reading an article in The New Yorker about the rebellion in Libya, and the camaraderie I felt, although one sided, was real.  I hurt for these people, and the fact that some of the rebels were killed.    It surely personalizes the human toll when a man therein mentioned loses his son to Qaddifi's army.   Could happen to any one of us.   It would behoove us in America to remember these events as a testimony as to how fortunate we are.    Some of those went there to help are Americans.  

I seem to always have a vague sense of disquiet that there is something I am not doing.  I'm afraid I'm going to forget something important, and this causes anxiety.   Logically, it will be alright, but I still grow anxious.    

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Tuesday, hmmm

Oh for change.   I wonder if the phrase "descent into madness" is accurate.  Ascent into madness might be a better way of saying it.   Reality sucks, and sometimes I ardently think it would be nice to not worry about any frickin responsibilities and let my mind and its demons prevail, to slip away.  I'm trying to write more, and do 5011 other needed activities, day by day by day.   Madness seems preferable at times, especially when I'm so bored with this routine that I want to pull my hair out. 

How are people all around me so seemingly satisfied?   I don't want to wallow in my psychological state of dismal outlook, but pretending I don't feel this way does not work, and usually makes me angrier and more despondent. I grin forcedly, so it actually is a grimace.

Doggy barks at the most useless times, and I yell at her because I'm high strung and can't stand the noise.   Poor doggy Delilah, who only wants to protect her home from strangers and possible thieves.  What she does not recognize is that every Tuesday the Buyers Guide guy comes to deliver the weekly.

Gotta run, any dear readers, to get outside kitty from the vet.  For practical purposes, I have called first to ensure that she is ready to come home.  Nope, glad I called first.  The vet techs want to bathe her out of kindness and make her pretty.   Sugar was "worked over" yesterday by a nasty stray dog.  If I get ahold of that dog I'll ...

I'm still in Oklahoma; even the state's name is hokey and "behind the times."  I have seen all that there is to see, and I want to leave so greatly I can hardly bear it.  Useless.    I'm sure there are others who can relate, but life is just listless and dull any more.   I drag my feet today, and nothing sounds fun, just seems banal.    Taking small steps is even difficult, yet it's as simple as walking into the kitchen to pour another cup of coffee.  It can be done.  : o )

Angie Peyton called me today; I was approved, yay.

Checked on the neighbor's dog, he was happy to see a human, and his tail knocked over the garbage pail. 

Dishes rattle in the sink like dry bones, and the toilet tank begins running all by itself from time to time.  Amuses me.